Saturday, February 21, 2009

Indecisive

I don’t know if the emotions that I’m feeling  mean that I  like her or if I love her.  We’ve been talking since maybe 2 or 3 weeks ago.  Everyday, she’s unsure about what our future holds and Everyday it seems as if I don’t have secure footing in this  relationship.   I’m not exactly calling it a relationship because she’s not my girlfriend.  But for the sake of identifying this thing we have, I’ll call it a relationship.   She’s been thru the same b.s. that I have.  She’s had her heart broken more often than not – as have I.   It’s really hard to convince her that I’m not here to break her heart.  But it’s even harder maintaining the lines of communication when, I’m in the same predicament.   I can’t expect her to trust me overnight  especially because I know that I can’t do the same for her.   However, I want to be sure that this is something she wants to do.  She’s decided today.  Undecided tomorrow.   I told her last week that I couldn’t do this with her and that perhaps it would be best if we didn’t see each other anymore.  She calls me the next day saying she wants me in her life. Then the day after that she’s too scared and she doesn’t want to like me , which basically is sending me mixed signals.   Should I stay?  Should I go?   Subsequently she’s made the suggestion we just talk  (no definitions) and just see where the day takes us.   I’m fine with that but I don’t want to put my own heart on hold when it’s possible there are other opportunities waiting for me.   I like her a lot but I’ve already been thru this.  I’ve been thru the waiting period and I don’t think it’s fair to have me wait and remain exclusive to only you when we don’t know if you’re going to jump ship 2 days from now.

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