in the interim

I almost do want to let her go.   I know that right now I’m not in any shape or condition to deal with the affairs of the heart.  But I also know that right now logic is not in sync  the heart.  I would love to give her the benefit of the doubt.   But I can’t shake the feeling I’ll be hurt.   I know it’s downright paranoia, but when you’ve just come out of a relationship where you’ve been blatantly lied to and hurt, all that you can think of is folks hurting you.   Folks in the long run not living up to the promises they make and when you think about that you tend to think it’s best to get out now while there’s still that opportunity.  

 

But see what I didn’t realize, is that it’s too late.   I’ve already fallen and I’ve fallen hard.   It snuck up on me like a suckerpunch.    In my delicate condition i didn’t really expect to feel the way that I did for her,  so i was cool calm and collected.    Now i’m all shaken up, paranoid and insecure because I know where having this caliber of intense emotion gets me.     It also made me realize why i do end up with hoes…..

 

I think I’ll get into that later after I wipe my tears.    I know i fucked this shyt up for good.  I know that I’ll never have her back and that she’ll never trust me the way she once did.  But I still try because the way I see it,  She’s worth it.