Where do I begin? I’ve been spending the last few days doing a lot of soul-searching. I know that I’ve spent the better part of the last 8 years looking to fill a void. I thought perhaps if I fell in love I’d find completion. But love isn’t exactly what it’s all about. I’m a spiritual person and I’d like to think there’s a divine purpose to be fulfilled by me. I have an old soul and I can’t help but feel the fatigue setting in. I feel like I’m running this perpetual hamsters wheel with no clue as to why I’m running and I know that I need to set more profound objectives and goals for myself.
So here it is I’ve made some post New Years Resolutions. As of yesterday, I’ve started off with making what I would consider to be drastic changes.
- I deleted both IMVU developer accounts. (I know that seems trivial but I was developing an addiction).
- I ended the little tete-a-tete (for lack of a better word) between myself and CH.
- I’ve resumed the search for my trusty bible.
There are certain undeniable truths that I know within my spirit. I know that I need to find solace and fellowship with other like-minded individuals.
I would say the most drastic move I’m about to embark on is returning to the fold at Church.
I don’t believe in religion per se. Not organized, political religion or churches that cater to the people and not the souls of the people.
I don’t want to be around a group of individuals who are going to suck up to me and tell me that I’m right when I know there’s a chance I might be wrong.
I need a real Church. A group of people who will provide the love and support I need when I resume my walk with God.
I also know that I’m going to lose a lot of readers by my saying this and I know that I don’t care. It’s 2009 and we’re so reliant on technology, science and politics, we see fit to push God out of the picture. We’re in a modern world where the Love has grown cold and I am not in agreement with that.
I think that God is truly needed in this world and we spend too much time pushing him out as opposed to inviting him in.
We justify our own actions by saying this is supposedly what God wants when truly beneath the surface we’ve taken control of the steering wheel and are quickly veering off into oblivion.
I’m letting him take the steering back. So defiantly to the naysayers I aver that I do not care if this entry comes much to your chagrin. I’m making changes and I’m making them fast. You can either roll with me, or get rolled over!!
*Waits for the followers list to diminish
3 comments:
I think spiritual balance is the key to inner peace. And whatever you need to do to achieve that, is your business and no one should have anything to say about it. I've been on a similar journey myself throughout 2008 and i'm still on it. It took me awhile to be comfortable with myself and to begin nourishing my relationship with God, but i'm well on my way and I couldn't be happier. So do what you gotta do Meshia, and if the "followers" can't handle it...oh well! People will always come in and out of your life, and the ones who can't stick around...you didn't need in the 1st place. But u know all of this already. Just giving you some words of encouragement :-)
I'm so happy I ran across this post. I honestly couldn't have said it any better. Sometimes it feels as if we are just here. Like life is just life. The truth is we have a great purpose. I really hope you find a church that can help you grow with God. Our relationship with God is a neverending one. Change is a good thing.
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